Patiently awaiting

Patiently awaiting what you are so impatiently hoping for is the hardest.  Happiness is so fleeting but so longed for.  Fun times are so cherished, but so easily vanished into the cold early morning air.  It never truly satisfies, it just quinches the longing for something in the mean time. Yet soon disappears.  You feel like you are being fooled into being happy again, and then it comes crashing down for the littlest reason.  A feeling of excited butterflies and hope for whats ahead is the best feeling.  Leaving where you were smiling bigger then you have in a long time, but being too high above the clouds to realize its not true, it never was in the first place.  But holding on to it for too long hurts even more.  Which of the two is better? I don't know, really,  I dont. Wish I could say, but I would be lying to myself, and you too.  You want the answers, walking around with your head high and hoping to fall for another one maybe being treated better than what you were. But... how is that possible when you were being treated like a princess? Will the lies ever subside and will trust ever be regained? Not just by that one, but by others?  The sensible answer would be: yes.  But it isn't that easy.  Hiding behind the "joy" is so easy to do, but so deceiving and yet so much better then showing the real feelings behind that smile and energy.  Isn't that what happened in the first place? Joy, happiness, times that lasted and ended with a smile and a kiss.  That was very clearly so fake.  Or was it?  These questions are but mere theories, that have probably already been proved but the oblivion behind that not so every lasting joy stricken smile is clueless to the answers that are probably already there.  Dwelling on this will seem so silly soon after this, but now, it seems perfectly reasonable.  It may be, but it also very likely may not be. The maturity is probably severely lacking, but what being doesn't experience this? What being experiences this in a way that is much better than possible?  Not this one. Being so caught up in the words that are said and the charming actions are all too common to get brought down yet again by.  Thinking it may be different is a pure mistake.  But so completely easy to fall back into once your there again.  Feeling lonely is way too much to handle, but provides so much time to think about the way things were handled.  Where to go and what to do next will forever be a mystery.  Will it ever come about again that true love is shown?  Doubtfully so, but what a thought to hold on to.  Is it worth it....?